Cypriot Archbishop Accuses Phidias of Serving Turkey — Experts Fear He May Also Control Weather, Chickens, and Eurovision Votes

After the Cypriot Archbishop accused YouTuber Phidias of being “at the service of Turkey,” the situation spiraled into full-blown conspiracy madness — including theories that he controls the weather, Eurovision votes, and the squeakiness of halloumi. Phidias, visibly baffled, responded with a frappé and the statement, “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to have done.”