Halloumi News

Where Reality Takes a Frappe break

Politics

Cypriot Archbishop Accuses Phidias of Serving Turkey — Experts Fear He May Also Control Weather, Chickens, and Eurovision Votes

Maxie Pads April 5, 2025

Business

Israeli Businessman and Son Sue Cyprus for €18 Trillion, Three Beaches, One Goat, and Emotional Damage Caused by Village Auntie’s Tone of Voice

Maxie Pads April 4, 2025

Local

Six-Car Collision on Paphos-Limassol Motorway Caused by Rogue Goat in Convertible Playing Bouzouki at 120km/h, Authorities Confirm

Maxie Pads April 3, 2025

Local

Limassol Youth Achieves “Peak Idiocy” After Throwing Firecracker into Bus, Declares It “Just a Social Experiment”

Maxie Pads April 3, 2025

A digital photograph of a stern Eastern Orthodox cleric pointing accusingly across from a confused young man in a casual t-shirt, both standing against a muted natural background.

Politics

Cypriot Archbishop Accuses Phidias of Serving Turkey — Experts Fear He May Also Control Weather, Chickens, and Eurovision Votes

Maxie Pads April 5, 2025

Two light-skinned men sit at a wooden table reviewing documents with shocked and distressed expressions, surrounded by euro notes, a pen, and coffee, with a Cypriot flag in the background.

Business

Israeli Businessman and Son Sue Cyprus for €18 Trillion, Three Beaches, One Goat, and Emotional Damage Caused by Village Auntie’s Tone of Voice

Maxie Pads April 4, 2025

A goat wearing sunglasses sits in the driver’s seat of a silver convertible on a sunlit highway, surrounded by a chaotic multi-car pile-up, with scenic hills in the background.

Local

Six-Car Collision on Paphos-Limassol Motorway Caused by Rogue Goat in Convertible Playing Bouzouki at 120km/h, Authorities Confirm

Maxie Pads April 3, 2025

Inside a smoky public bus, a firecracker lies on the floor as white smoke fills the cabin. The bus driver is seen injured and distressed near the front, while dazed passengers are partially visible through the haze.

Local

Limassol Youth Achieves “Peak Idiocy” After Throwing Firecracker into Bus, Declares It “Just a Social Experiment”

Maxie Pads April 3, 2025

Featured Story

A digital photograph of a stern Eastern Orthodox cleric pointing accusingly across from a confused young man in a casual t-shirt, both standing against a muted natural background.

Politics

Cypriot Archbishop Accuses Phidias of Serving Turkey — Experts Fear He May Also Control Weather, Chickens, and Eurovision Votes

Two light-skinned men sit at a wooden table reviewing documents with shocked and distressed expressions, surrounded by euro notes, a pen, and coffee, with a Cypriot flag in the background.

Business

Israeli Businessman and Son Sue Cyprus for €18 Trillion, Three Beaches, One Goat, and Emotional Damage Caused by Village Auntie’s Tone of Voice

A goat wearing sunglasses sits in the driver’s seat of a silver convertible on a sunlit highway, surrounded by a chaotic multi-car pile-up, with scenic hills in the background.

Local

Six-Car Collision on Paphos-Limassol Motorway Caused by Rogue Goat in Convertible Playing Bouzouki at 120km/h, Authorities Confirm

Inside a smoky public bus, a firecracker lies on the floor as white smoke fills the cabin. The bus driver is seen injured and distressed near the front, while dazed passengers are partially visible through the haze.

Local

Limassol Youth Achieves “Peak Idiocy” After Throwing Firecracker into Bus, Declares It “Just a Social Experiment”

An urban Cypriot street scene on a sunny day featuring a hovering police drone equipped with cameras and speakers. A nearby café table has an abandoned frappé, while pedestrians glance up at the drone in confusion or mild fear.

National Speed Cameras Transportation

After MPs Block Radar Fine List, Cyprus Police Launch Insane New Methods to Collect Fines: Frappe Confiscations, Psychic Door-Knocking, and Drone-Mounted Loudspeakers

A wedge of bright orange American processed cheese sits on a rustic wooden table beside a €2 Euro coin, with the Cypriot flag in the background and a faded American flag in the distance.

Politics

Cyprus Retaliates Against Trump’s EU Tariff Plan by Slapping 300% Tax on American Cheese, Netflix, and Anything Orange

Sports

Red Bull Formula 1 Team Bought by Cyprus, Rebranded to “Team Zivania Racing™” — Max Verstappen Fired and Replaced by a Man Named Yiannis from Paphos

Three Ryanair crew members lounge comfortably in an opulent airport lounge, surrounded by luxurious seating, an automatic frappé machine, platters of sizzling souvla, and a serene Bulgarian philosopher giving one of them a shoulder massage.

Transportation

EXPOSED: Secret Investigation Reveals Cyprus-Based Ryanair Crew Live in Hidden Luxury — Frappe Fountains, Gold-Plated Seatbelt Buckles, and a Secret Lounge Behind Gate 1

An opulent, European-style interior hall with high arches and ornate marble flooring. A young woman sits under a floral arch on a velvet chair, scrolling her phone near a velvet rope barrier, with golden light casting elegant shadows.

Business

Cyprus Opens World’s First Influencer Embassy in Nicosia — Offers Emergency Ring Light Visas, Caption Mediation, and Diplomatic Bougainvillea Access

A group of taxi drivers in yellow vests gather beside a silver Mercedes taxi during a daytime protest in a sunny Mediterranean city, with classical buildings and tall trees in the background.

Politics Transportation

Cyprus Taxi Drivers Stage Protest Over Possible Arrival of Uber: “You Can’t Rate a Vibe with Stars”