FAMAGUSTA — What was meant to be a quick and “professional” kiosk robbery in Famagusta quickly spiraled into a chaotic comedy of errors after the masked perpetrator paused mid-getaway to scratch a €2 lottery ticket he had just stolen — and thought might change his life.

Security footage shows the man, dressed in a knockoff tracksuit and sporting a ski mask with a hole that didn’t line up with his eyes, entering the small kiosk at 11:42 p.m. He waved a suspiciously bent kitchen spatula and yelled,
“GIVE ME EVERYTHING — EXCEPT THE LOUD CHIPS!”

Cashier Reaction: Unbothered, Unimpressed

Kiosk attendant Andreas, 72, who has seen everything, reportedly didn’t even look up from his Cyta bill.
“I thought he was just there to complain about the price of Freddo again,” he said.

After some light persuasion (and a threat to bend the spatula further), Andreas handed over:

• €48 in mixed coins
• 2 packs of cigarettes
• 1 energy drink
• And a small stack of unsold scratchcards, “to keep him busy.”

Robber’s Critical Mistake: Greed + Hope

Instead of fleeing immediately, the robber walked 10 meters behind the kiosk and began furiously scratching tickets, muttering things like “Come on lucky goat…” and “Big money, big money…”

Unfortunately, in his excitement, he:

• Dropped a €5 note
• Accidentally scratched a losing ticket onto his ski mask
• Yelled “YESSS!” loud enough for police two blocks away to hear

Arrested by Patrol While Celebrating Nothing

Police arrived moments later to find the man jumping in place and waving a ticket that had won €3, yelling,
“I KNEW IT! THIS IS MY YEAR!”

Upon being informed that €3 does not excuse armed robbery, he reportedly offered to split it “as a gesture of peace.”

Local Reaction

Residents of the neighborhood are still laughing.

• “That kiosk has been robbed three times, and every time it’s by someone with a homemade weapon,” said one woman. “Last time it was a man holding a cheese grater.”
• “We don’t even lock the fridge anymore,” added Andreas. “If they want the ice cream that badly, let them suffer the brain freeze.”

Government Response

In response to the incident, the Ministry of Public Order has proposed a new campaign:
“Scratch Responsibly — Not While Running From the Scene.”

They also reminded citizens that spatulas, while versatile, are not an acceptable form of armed intimidation, especially in plastic.

This article is satirical. If you’re going to rob a kiosk, maybe don’t test your luck first.