EXCLUSIVE: Polis Real Estate Developer Denies Cost-of-Living Crisis, Claims “People Just Need to Eat Less at Full Moons”
“The economy is fine, you’re just bad at bartering with onions.”
– Savvas Frangos, Developer of “ZenCactus Palms Phase III (Now With Fewer Walls)”
POLIS CHRYSOCHOUS — While the rest of Cyprus drowns in rising rent, €8 halloumi, and €14-per-hour frappés served by waiters with existential dread, one man in Polis is thriving — and he’s got charts, cheese, and deeply suspicious statistics to prove that the cost-of-living crisis is a “collective hallucination caused by poor sleep hygiene and not enough watermelon.”
Meet Savvas Frangos, the self-declared “Real Estate Shaman of the West,” CEO of Psyllos Developments, builder of such luxury ventures as:
- Villa Papoutsos Bay™: A four-bedroom home shaped like a sandal
- ZenCactus Palms Phase I–III™: A wellness village that doubles as a carwash on Sundays
- CloudAura Dwellings™: “Homes so spiritual they can only be seen from certain angles”
🎤 Interview Begins
Conducted at a roadside “office” made of leftover scaffolding and driftwood, surrounded by blueprints, sage bundles, and a cat named Marilena.
Halloumi News (HN): Savvas, thank you for agreeing to this interview.
Savvas Frangos (SF): Of course. I only do interviews during Libra moonrise and when the wind smells like figs. Today is perfect.
HN: Let’s get straight to it. The country is experiencing rising costs in everything — housing, electricity, bread. People say there’s a crisis.
SF: Crisis? Crisis is a state of mind. The only real crisis in Polis is when the bread delivery guy is late and we have to use carob as toast. You think that’s suffering? That’s breakfast innovation.
🧱 On Housing Prices
HN: But property prices have tripled in five years. People can’t afford to live where they grew up.
SF: Let me explain this slowly: if you were smart enough to buy a field in 2004 with three goats and one stubborn lemon tree, you’re a millionaire now. The market rewards vision. And citrus.
HN: So how much are your houses?
SF: Depends on the moon cycle and how hydrated the buyer looks. Yesterday, I sold a half-finished villa with no plumbing to a Dutch influencer for €740,000. She paid in crystals and exposure. It’s called digital synergy.
🥒 On Groceries, Survival, and Cucumbers
HN: What about food? People say groceries are now unaffordable.
SF: No one needs to buy food. There’s a wild cucumber vine behind the Ayios Minas church that feeds at least four families if you believe hard enough. Also, if you squint, purslane looks like steak.
HN: That’s not remotely true.
SF: Listen, if someone is paying €14 for minced meat, that’s on them. I trade three eggs and a conspiracy theory for goat yoghurt every Thursday. That’s economics. That’s Polinomics™.
🏘 On Real Estate Philosophy
HN: Why do your developments have names like “Villa Quantum Nectar Lotus 5”?
SF: Because names are sacred geometry. You want people to say, “Let’s go to Lotus 5”, not “Let’s go to a 3-bedroom duplex with limited plumbing and a goat nest on the balcony.”
HN: You’ve been criticized for selling houses with no sewage system.
SF: That’s not a flaw, that’s a design challenge. I market it as “ground-returning waste integration” — clients feel closer to the Earth after using the toilet.
☁️ On Electricity Prices
HN: Electricity bills are up 30% since last year.
SF: Which is why my homes run entirely on wind, candlelight, and passive Mediterranean optimism. If you get cold, just invite your aunties over — their collective gossip raises the room temperature by 4°C.
HN: So no heating?
SF: No need. I sell “thermal storytelling stones.” You sit near one and talk about the time your uncle fell in a fig barrel. Warms the heart. Literally. Some people sweat.
🧿 On the Economy in General
HN: Do you believe the average Cypriot is struggling?
SF: They just need to stop paying for things. Make friends with your landlord. Offer to re-roof his shed. Or write him a poem. I once paid off a 6-month water bill with a shadow puppet show.
HN: That sounds… insane.
SF: Exactly. That’s why it worked. In Polis, logic is a luxury we traded for sea views.
🐐 On Future Projects
HN: What are your upcoming developments?
SF: We’re launching “Nebula Echo Heights™”, a collection of invisible homes only accessible through a guided meditation and 6 weeks of essential oil therapy.
We’re also building “GoatPlex™,” a mixed-use commercial and livestock center. It includes:
- A yoga barn
- A café where you milk your own coffee
- And a pop-up shop that sells nothing, but makes you feel something
🪙 On Solutions
HN: What is your solution to the cost-of-living crisis?
SF: Stop living like it’s a crisis. Start trading emotions. Start investing in auntie equity. Fill your balcony with oregano and charge people €50 to sniff it. Life is a currency. Polis is the exchange.
HN: You are either a genius or completely detached from reality.
SF: Exactly. That’s what makes my rent-free pinecone apartment development so compelling.
🎤 Interview Ends
Savvas handed us a small basket of dried figs, a QR code for his upcoming “Real Estate for the Spiritually Curious” seminar, and a flyer that read:
“Forget money. Invest in olives.”
He then mounted a Segway made of bamboo and gently glided toward a partially-built dome echoing with the sound of seagulls and progressive house music.
This fictional interview is a work of satire. Any resemblance to real developers is coincidental and also entirely on purpose.
