After MPs Block Radar Fine List, Cyprus Police Launch Insane New Methods to Collect Fines: Frappe Confiscations, Psychic Door-Knocking, and Drone-Mounted Loudspeakers
After MPs blocked access to the radar fine list, Cyprus Police launched a wildly unhinged crackdown — including frappé bans for offenders, psychic fine detection, and drone-led public shaming. The new campaign, dubbed “Operation ShameDrive™,” marks a bold new era of enforcement powered by vengeance, caffeine withdrawal, and mild sorcery.
EXPOSED: Secret Investigation Reveals Cyprus-Based Ryanair Crew Live in Hidden Luxury — Frappe Fountains, Gold-Plated Seatbelt Buckles, and a Secret Lounge Behind Gate 1
A secret investigation has revealed that Ryanair crew in Cyprus aren’t just surviving — they’re thriving in hidden luxury lounges, sipping monk-crafted frappés, and strapping into gold-plated seatbelt buckles. While passengers fight for legroom and €9 snacks, the crew enjoys “Cloud Pudding” and daily massages behind Gate 1’s mysterious vending machine portal.
Cyprus Taxi Drivers Stage Protest Over Possible Arrival of Uber: “You Can’t Rate a Vibe with Stars”
As the government considers letting Uber operate in Cyprus, local taxi drivers take to the streets in protest — not just against competition, but in defense of their sacred cultural role as part-time philosophers, tour guides, and emotional support uncles. “A ride isn’t just transport,” one driver cried. “It’s storytelling at 120km/h with no seatbelt.”
Wizz Air to Acquire Cyprus Airways in Shocking Deal Involving €1,000, a Drone, and 12,000 Litres of Hot Pink Paint
In a jaw-droppingly pink twist, Wizz Air announces its plan to buy out Cyprus Airways for €1,000 and a drone, promising holographic dolphins, glitter water, and planes so loud they can be heard from Troodos. The newly rebranded “WizzAphrodite™” vows to make flying cheaper, weirder, and way more sparkly.
Cyprus Expands Larnaca and Paphos Airports to Handle Surge in Tourists, Stray Cats, and Aunties with Giant Suitcases
As Cyprus prepares to welcome record-breaking tourist crowds (and even more emotional auntie goodbyes), the government unveils its most ambitious airport expansion yet — complete with diagonal runways, koupepia inspection zones, and an entire wing dedicated to shouting farewells.
Cyprus Government Tackles Traffic Camera Backlash by Hiring Ninjas and Time-Travel Goats
Facing mounting public frustration over an explosion of traffic cameras, the Cyprus government unveils a wildly imaginative solution: replacing automated enforcement with stealthy ninjas and time-traveling goats. Citizens are equal parts confused, amused, and slightly nervous as barnyard animals and shadowy figures take over the roads — one dramatic bleat at a time.