After MPs Block Radar Fine List, Cyprus Police Launch Insane New Methods to Collect Fines: Frappe Confiscations, Psychic Door-Knocking, and Drone-Mounted Loudspeakers
After MPs blocked access to the radar fine list, Cyprus Police launched a wildly unhinged crackdown — including frappé bans for offenders, psychic fine detection, and drone-led public shaming. The new campaign, dubbed “Operation ShameDrive™,” marks a bold new era of enforcement powered by vengeance, caffeine withdrawal, and mild sorcery.
Orthodox Church Launches “Project Divine Comeback” to Win Back Churchgoers: Incense Cannons, Holy Water Splash Zones, and Confession Drive-Thrus
Faced with empty pews and a generation more devoted to frappé than faith, the Orthodox Church has launched “Project Divine Comeback” — an outrageous initiative featuring incense cannons, rotating altars, confession drive-thrus, and TikTok hymn challenges. Church has never been so loud, so fragrant, or so deeply confused.
BREAKING: Cyprus Reintroduces Golden Visas, Now Includes Complimentary Yacht, Village Mayorship, and a Lifetime Supply of Halloumi Air Fresheners
Cyprus reboots its infamous Golden Visa program with even fewer regulations and a lot more sparkle. Now, investors can earn citizenship, honorary village mayorships, and a lifetime supply of halloumi-scented air fresheners — all for the price of a luxury villa and a mildly shady offshore company.
Cyprus to Regulate Hunting Culture with New “Shoot Responsibly” Campaign, Mandatory Courses on Yelling at Birds and Missing Entirely
In an ambitious effort to civilize the annual cacophony of shotgun blasts and lost dogs, the Cypriot government launches “Shoot Responsibly 2030™” — a campaign urging hunters to stop firing at bushes, apologize to trees, and maybe take a class or two before declaring war on the wilderness every Sunday.
Cyprus Unveils Bold New Plan to Solve Cyprob: Rock-Paper-Scissors Tournament, Mediated by a Goat
NICOSIA — In a stunning move that surprised the international community, confused the UN, and caused three ambassadors to choke on their filtered coffee, the Cypriot government has announced a radical new strategy to solve the Cyprus Problem (Cyprob) once…
Cyprus Unveils New Water-Saving Plan: National Thirst Quota, Citizens Allowed to Be Thirsty Only on Weekdays
NICOSIA — In a bold attempt to curb Cyprus’ worsening water crisis, the government has introduced a nationwide Thirst Management System, under which citizens will be assigned designated thirst days and strictly limited hydration feelings. Starting April 15th, Cypriots will…
Limassol Real Estate Market Declares Independence, Applies to Join G7
As Limassol’s skyline stretches higher and property prices soar into the stratosphere, the city’s real estate market has boldly proclaimed independence, citing “irreversible detachment from reality” and ambitions to join the G7. Local residents, meanwhile, continue their search for affordable housing — or at least a decently priced balcony.
Cyprus Government Tackles Traffic Camera Backlash by Hiring Ninjas and Time-Travel Goats
Facing mounting public frustration over an explosion of traffic cameras, the Cyprus government unveils a wildly imaginative solution: replacing automated enforcement with stealthy ninjas and time-traveling goats. Citizens are equal parts confused, amused, and slightly nervous as barnyard animals and shadowy figures take over the roads — one dramatic bleat at a time.