Six-Car Collision on Paphos-Limassol Motorway Caused by Rogue Goat in Convertible Playing Bouzouki at 120km/h, Authorities Confirm
A six-car pile-up on the Paphos-Limassol motorway this morning has been absurdly traced back to a rogue goat in a convertible, blasting bouzouki music and driving like a caffeinated uncle. Authorities confirm no injuries — except to logic, dignity, and several drivers’ grasp on reality.
Limassol Youth Achieves “Peak Idiocy” After Throwing Firecracker into Bus, Declares It “Just a Social Experiment”
A teenager in Limassol decided to launch a firecracker into a packed public bus “as a prank,” triggering national outrage, a bus driver’s heroic response, and the creation of Cyprus’s fictional new Ministry of Explosive Stupidity. Authorities, citizens, and one emotionally scarred frappe are still recovering.
“Karen of Lakatamia” Declared Public Nuisance After 47th Incident at Mall of Cyprus Involving Candle Complaints and Pretzel Rage
Mall-goers in Nicosia brace for chaos whenever “Karen of Lakatamia” arrives — armed with scented candle complaints, pretzel accusations, and a deep, unshakable belief that the escalator should go the other way. After her 47th incident at the Mall of Cyprus, authorities are considering installing “Karen-Proof Zones” to contain the emotional fallout.
Cyprus Government Unveils Bold New Plan to Tackle Nicosia Traffic: Teleportation Lanes, Goat Carpools, and Ministry of Walking Fast
In a bold attempt to solve Nicosia’s traffic crisis, the Cypriot government has unveiled an outrageous new plan involving teleportation lanes, goat-powered carpools, and a Ministry of Walking Fast. While experts call it “ambitious,” locals are just wondering why a purple lane now leads directly into a bakery.
Famagusta Kiosk Robbery Foiled After Robber Stops to Scratch Lottery Ticket Mid-Escape
FAMAGUSTA — What was meant to be a quick and “professional” kiosk robbery in Famagusta quickly spiraled into a chaotic comedy of errors after the masked perpetrator paused mid-getaway to scratch a €2 lottery ticket he had just stolen —…
Tala’s Holy Order of Cats Gains Political Power, Declares Monastery a Sovereign “Feline Republic”
In a bold and entirely whisker-driven move, the cats of Tala’s monastery have declared independence, forming the Meow-nastic Republic of Saint Whiskers. With nap laws, fish-based diplomacy, and a purring Parliament, the feline-led microstate is now the most peaceful — and fur-covered — government on the island.
Omodos Declares Itself “The Official Center of the Universe,” Builds Wine-Powered Space Telescope in Bell Tower
In a cosmic leap for village pride, Omodos has declared itself the center of the universe and launched a wine-powered space program from its bell tower. With a telescope aimed at the stars (and Limassol), locals are preparing for intergalactic diplomacy, stardust sales, and possibly the first meze tasting with aliens.