Israeli Businessman and Son Sue Cyprus for €18 Trillion, Three Beaches, One Goat, and Emotional Damage Caused by Village Auntie’s Tone of Voice
In a lawsuit that’s spiraled into pure absurdity, an Israeli businessman and his son are now suing Cyprus not only for land, but also €18 trillion, three beaches, the rights to flamingos, and emotional damage caused by a village auntie’s tone. Named in the suit: a kafeneio jukebox, a lemon tree, and one suspiciously judgmental uncle from Deryneia.
Cyprus Opens World’s First Influencer Embassy in Nicosia — Offers Emergency Ring Light Visas, Caption Mediation, and Diplomatic Bougainvillea Access
Cyprus has opened the world’s first Influencer Embassy — a velvet-roped sanctuary where content creators receive sunset visas, caption therapy, and emergency frappe recharges. Located in Nicosia, the embassy is staffed by lighting shamans, pose consultants, and at least one cat, making it the most photogenic diplomatic mission in history.
Cyprus Government Announces Compensation for 2013 Haircut Victims — Payment to Be Made in Coupons, Goat Shares, and One Hug from the Minister
In a historic (and deeply strange) move, the Cypriot government announces compensation for 2013 haircut victims — offering Alphamega vouchers, partial goat ownership, and a laminated apology. Cash? No. But you will receive a Spotify playlist and a chance to scream online.
Alphamega Announces Plans to Colonize Moon, Install Luxury Supermarket with 3 Aisles of Imported Cheeses and 1 Parking Spot
In a galactic leap for Cypriot retail, Alphamega announces its plan to open the first supermarket on the Moon, complete with a floating cheese aisle, oxygen-based loyalty points, and premium crater parking. Because if anyone can overprice halloumi in space — it’s Alphamega.