TALA — In a development both adorable and mildly alarming, the cats of Tala’s famous cat monastery have reportedly seized full administrative control of the premises and declared it an independent microstate:
“The Meow-nastic Republic of Saint Whiskers.”

The declaration was paw-signed at sunrise during a ceremonial knocking-over of a chalice and followed by a holy nap.

Locals have long suspected the cats of organizing, but few predicted they would rise so rapidly through the ranks of village power.

“We thought they were just loafing in the sun,” said one monk. “Turns out they were forming a shadow cabinet.”

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New Governance Structure Announced

The monastery, now operating under Purrliamentary rule, has appointed its first High Council:

• His Excellency Archbishop Meowtheos — Supreme Spiritual Leader and Occasional Keyboard Stepper
• Deputy Minister of Naps — Brother Kleftiko, a large orange tom with a deep commitment to silence
• Foreign Affairs Liaison — Sister Tzina, fluent in three forms of passive-aggressive eye contact

Visitors must now bow slightly and offer a pouch of treats before entering the monastery courtyard. Refusal may result in being publicly ignored.

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Cat Laws Go Into Effect Immediately

All previous human-based rules have been suspended. The new Feline Constitution includes:

• Mandatory sunbeam access for all citizens
• No loud talking between 11am and 4pm (Nap Law 42b)
• One basket per cat, no sharing unless emotionally bonded
• Daily fish rations or face a sit-in on the priest’s keyboard

Humans are still welcome on the grounds, but must now walk in a zigzag to avoid “royal lounging zones.”

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Economic Growth Through Cat-Themed Tourism

The newly sovereign monastery has begun printing its own currency: the Meowro, which is only accepted in exchange for tuna, string, or emotionally distant cuddles.

Souvenirs now include:

• “Blessed by a Cat” Certificates
• Holy Water (actually just slightly dribbled water from a bowl)
• Incense that smells like kibble and divine judgment

An application has been filed for UNESCO recognition, citing “continuous spiritual purring since the Byzantine era.”

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Local Response Mixed but Mostly Amused

• The Mayor of Tala released a statement: “If the cats can run things better than us, let them. We’re tired.”
• The Church: “We acknowledge their presence. And their power. And their ability to knock over everything on the altar.”
• Tourists: “We didn’t expect a political revolution, but we respect it.”

One British expat, now a cat citizenship applicant, stated:
“I gave up my passport for a spot on the monastery wall. Worth it.”

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Next Steps: Expansion Plans?

Rumors swirl that the cat-led regime has its eyes on other “strategic nap locations” in Cyprus, including:

• The warm stones outside ancient ruins
• The back seats of parked rental cars
• A very specific windowsill in Paphos that “gets the light just right”

The Feline Republic has issued a statement:
“We seek no conflict. Only cushions.”

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This article is satirical. But the monastery in Tala really does have a small army of cats — and honestly, they do seem like they’re in charge.