“Karen of Lakatamia” Declared Public Nuisance After 47th Incident at Mall of Cyprus Involving Candle Complaints and Pretzel Rage
Mall-goers in Nicosia brace for chaos whenever “Karen of Lakatamia” arrives — armed with scented candle complaints, pretzel accusations, and a deep, unshakable belief that the escalator should go the other way. After her 47th incident at the Mall of Cyprus, authorities are considering installing “Karen-Proof Zones” to contain the emotional fallout.
Cyprus Government Unveils Bold New Plan to Tackle Nicosia Traffic: Teleportation Lanes, Goat Carpools, and Ministry of Walking Fast
In a bold attempt to solve Nicosia’s traffic crisis, the Cypriot government has unveiled an outrageous new plan involving teleportation lanes, goat-powered carpools, and a Ministry of Walking Fast. While experts call it “ambitious,” locals are just wondering why a purple lane now leads directly into a bakery.
Cypriot Government Unveils “Official Corruption License” — Now You Can Bribe Legally (With a Receipt!)
In a bold new initiative to modernize dishonesty, the Cypriot government has introduced the Official Corruption License™ — a laminated, gold-trimmed card that lets citizens bribe legally, provided they file the right paperwork and wink in the correct tone. Critics are outraged. Everyone else is already in line.
Orthodox Church Launches “Project Divine Comeback” to Win Back Churchgoers: Incense Cannons, Holy Water Splash Zones, and Confession Drive-Thrus
Faced with empty pews and a generation more devoted to frappé than faith, the Orthodox Church has launched “Project Divine Comeback” — an outrageous initiative featuring incense cannons, rotating altars, confession drive-thrus, and TikTok hymn challenges. Church has never been so loud, so fragrant, or so deeply confused.
Fidias Panayiotou Reportedly Replaced by a Gerbil for Two Weeks — Nation Only Realized After Rodent Tried to Enter European Parliament
In a baffling yet somehow believable twist, Fidias Panayiotou was secretly replaced by a gerbil in a blazer for two weeks — attending parliament sessions, voting on legislation, and even giving squeaky interviews. The nation only caught on when the rodent bolted with a crouton mid-session. Fidias later confirmed the switch, claiming, “Fidiaki served with dignity and didn’t once ask for a frappe.”