Cyprus Announces Plan to Modernize Primary Schools by Replacing Desks with Cardboard and Hope
With desks made from cereal boxes and textbooks older than the students themselves, Cyprus’ primary schools have entered an era of “creative survival.” In the government’s new minimalist strategy, classrooms run on hope, group crayons, and chairs that may or may not be real.
Cyprus Expands Larnaca and Paphos Airports to Handle Surge in Tourists, Stray Cats, and Aunties with Giant Suitcases
As Cyprus prepares to welcome record-breaking tourist crowds (and even more emotional auntie goodbyes), the government unveils its most ambitious airport expansion yet — complete with diagonal runways, koupepia inspection zones, and an entire wing dedicated to shouting farewells.
Omodos Declares Itself “The Official Center of the Universe,” Builds Wine-Powered Space Telescope in Bell Tower
In a cosmic leap for village pride, Omodos has declared itself the center of the universe and launched a wine-powered space program from its bell tower. With a telescope aimed at the stars (and Limassol), locals are preparing for intergalactic diplomacy, stardust sales, and possibly the first meze tasting with aliens.
Cyprus Unveils New Water-Saving Plan: National Thirst Quota, Citizens Allowed to Be Thirsty Only on Weekdays
NICOSIA — In a bold attempt to curb Cyprus’ worsening water crisis, the government has introduced a nationwide Thirst Management System, under which citizens will be assigned designated thirst days and strictly limited hydration feelings. Starting April 15th, Cypriots will…
Limassol Real Estate Market Declares Independence, Applies to Join G7
As Limassol’s skyline stretches higher and property prices soar into the stratosphere, the city’s real estate market has boldly proclaimed independence, citing “irreversible detachment from reality” and ambitions to join the G7. Local residents, meanwhile, continue their search for affordable housing — or at least a decently priced balcony.
Cyprus Government Tackles Traffic Camera Backlash by Hiring Ninjas and Time-Travel Goats
Facing mounting public frustration over an explosion of traffic cameras, the Cyprus government unveils a wildly imaginative solution: replacing automated enforcement with stealthy ninjas and time-traveling goats. Citizens are equal parts confused, amused, and slightly nervous as barnyard animals and shadowy figures take over the roads — one dramatic bleat at a time.