-
After the Cypriot Archbishop accused YouTuber Phidias of being “at the service of Turkey,” the situation spiraled into full-blown conspiracy madness — including theories that he controls the weather, Eurovision votes, and the squeakiness of halloumi. Phidias, visibly baffled, responded with a frappé and the statement, “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to have…
-
In a lawsuit that’s spiraled into pure absurdity, an Israeli businessman and his son are now suing Cyprus not only for land, but also €18 trillion, three beaches, the rights to flamingos, and emotional damage caused by a village auntie’s tone. Named in the suit: a kafeneio jukebox, a lemon tree, and one suspiciously judgmental…
-
A six-car pile-up on the Paphos-Limassol motorway this morning has been absurdly traced back to a rogue goat in a convertible, blasting bouzouki music and driving like a caffeinated uncle. Authorities confirm no injuries — except to logic, dignity, and several drivers’ grasp on reality.
-
A teenager in Limassol decided to launch a firecracker into a packed public bus “as a prank,” triggering national outrage, a bus driver’s heroic response, and the creation of Cyprus’s fictional new Ministry of Explosive Stupidity. Authorities, citizens, and one emotionally scarred frappe are still recovering.
-
After MPs blocked access to the radar fine list, Cyprus Police launched a wildly unhinged crackdown — including frappé bans for offenders, psychic fine detection, and drone-led public shaming. The new campaign, dubbed “Operation ShameDrive™,” marks a bold new era of enforcement powered by vengeance, caffeine withdrawal, and mild sorcery.
-
In a bold (and deeply Cypriot) response to Donald Trump’s proposed EU import tariffs, Cyprus has announced its own wildly symbolic countermeasures — including a 300% tax on American cheese, orange-colored objects, and Netflix rom-coms without yiayias. Officials promise further retaliation unless halloumi is internationally respected “as the dairy deity it is.”
-
In an unexpected twist, Cyprus has purchased the Red Bull Formula 1 team, immediately rebranding it as Team Zivania Racing™ and firing Max Verstappen in favor of Yiannis, a 64-year-old from Paphos with no helmet and deep opinions on tyre pressure and hawks. The team’s new motto — “We drink and we corner” — sets…
-
A secret investigation has revealed that Ryanair crew in Cyprus aren’t just surviving — they’re thriving in hidden luxury lounges, sipping monk-crafted frappés, and strapping into gold-plated seatbelt buckles. While passengers fight for legroom and €9 snacks, the crew enjoys “Cloud Pudding” and daily massages behind Gate 1’s mysterious vending machine portal.
-
Cyprus has opened the world’s first Influencer Embassy — a velvet-roped sanctuary where content creators receive sunset visas, caption therapy, and emergency frappe recharges. Located in Nicosia, the embassy is staffed by lighting shamans, pose consultants, and at least one cat, making it the most photogenic diplomatic mission in history.
-
As the government considers letting Uber operate in Cyprus, local taxi drivers take to the streets in protest — not just against competition, but in defense of their sacred cultural role as part-time philosophers, tour guides, and emotional support uncles. “A ride isn’t just transport,” one driver cried. “It’s storytelling at 120km/h with no seatbelt.”
-
Cypriot Archbishop Accuses Phidias of Serving Turkey — Experts Fear He May Also Control Weather, Chickens, and Eurovision Votes
After the Cypriot Archbishop accused YouTuber Phidias of being “at the service of Turkey,” the situation spiraled into full-blown conspiracy madness — including theories that he controls the weather, Eurovision votes, and the squeakiness of halloumi. Phidias, visibly baffled, responded with a frappé and the statement, “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to have…
-
Israeli Businessman and Son Sue Cyprus for €18 Trillion, Three Beaches, One Goat, and Emotional Damage Caused by Village Auntie’s Tone of Voice
In a lawsuit that’s spiraled into pure absurdity, an Israeli businessman and his son are now suing Cyprus not only for land, but also €18 trillion, three beaches, the rights to flamingos, and emotional damage caused by a village auntie’s tone. Named in the suit: a kafeneio jukebox, a lemon tree, and one suspiciously judgmental…
-
Six-Car Collision on Paphos-Limassol Motorway Caused by Rogue Goat in Convertible Playing Bouzouki at 120km/h, Authorities Confirm
A six-car pile-up on the Paphos-Limassol motorway this morning has been absurdly traced back to a rogue goat in a convertible, blasting bouzouki music and driving like a caffeinated uncle. Authorities confirm no injuries — except to logic, dignity, and several drivers’ grasp on reality.
-
Limassol Youth Achieves “Peak Idiocy” After Throwing Firecracker into Bus, Declares It “Just a Social Experiment”
A teenager in Limassol decided to launch a firecracker into a packed public bus “as a prank,” triggering national outrage, a bus driver’s heroic response, and the creation of Cyprus’s fictional new Ministry of Explosive Stupidity. Authorities, citizens, and one emotionally scarred frappe are still recovering.
-
After MPs Block Radar Fine List, Cyprus Police Launch Insane New Methods to Collect Fines: Frappe Confiscations, Psychic Door-Knocking, and Drone-Mounted Loudspeakers
After MPs blocked access to the radar fine list, Cyprus Police launched a wildly unhinged crackdown — including frappé bans for offenders, psychic fine detection, and drone-led public shaming. The new campaign, dubbed “Operation ShameDrive™,” marks a bold new era of enforcement powered by vengeance, caffeine withdrawal, and mild sorcery.
-
Cyprus Retaliates Against Trump’s EU Tariff Plan by Slapping 300% Tax on American Cheese, Netflix, and Anything Orange
In a bold (and deeply Cypriot) response to Donald Trump’s proposed EU import tariffs, Cyprus has announced its own wildly symbolic countermeasures — including a 300% tax on American cheese, orange-colored objects, and Netflix rom-coms without yiayias. Officials promise further retaliation unless halloumi is internationally respected “as the dairy deity it is.”
-
Red Bull Formula 1 Team Bought by Cyprus, Rebranded to “Team Zivania Racing™” — Max Verstappen Fired and Replaced by a Man Named Yiannis from Paphos
In an unexpected twist, Cyprus has purchased the Red Bull Formula 1 team, immediately rebranding it as Team Zivania Racing™ and firing Max Verstappen in favor of Yiannis, a 64-year-old from Paphos with no helmet and deep opinions on tyre pressure and hawks. The team’s new motto — “We drink and we corner” — sets…
-
EXPOSED: Secret Investigation Reveals Cyprus-Based Ryanair Crew Live in Hidden Luxury — Frappe Fountains, Gold-Plated Seatbelt Buckles, and a Secret Lounge Behind Gate 1
A secret investigation has revealed that Ryanair crew in Cyprus aren’t just surviving — they’re thriving in hidden luxury lounges, sipping monk-crafted frappés, and strapping into gold-plated seatbelt buckles. While passengers fight for legroom and €9 snacks, the crew enjoys “Cloud Pudding” and daily massages behind Gate 1’s mysterious vending machine portal.
-
Cyprus Opens World’s First Influencer Embassy in Nicosia — Offers Emergency Ring Light Visas, Caption Mediation, and Diplomatic Bougainvillea Access
Cyprus has opened the world’s first Influencer Embassy — a velvet-roped sanctuary where content creators receive sunset visas, caption therapy, and emergency frappe recharges. Located in Nicosia, the embassy is staffed by lighting shamans, pose consultants, and at least one cat, making it the most photogenic diplomatic mission in history.
-
Cyprus Taxi Drivers Stage Protest Over Possible Arrival of Uber: “You Can’t Rate a Vibe with Stars”
As the government considers letting Uber operate in Cyprus, local taxi drivers take to the streets in protest — not just against competition, but in defense of their sacred cultural role as part-time philosophers, tour guides, and emotional support uncles. “A ride isn’t just transport,” one driver cried. “It’s storytelling at 120km/h with no seatbelt.”
-
“Karen of Lakatamia” Declared Public Nuisance After 47th Incident at Mall of Cyprus Involving Candle Complaints and Pretzel Rage
Mall-goers in Nicosia brace for chaos whenever “Karen of Lakatamia” arrives — armed with scented candle complaints, pretzel accusations, and a deep, unshakable belief that the escalator should go the other way. After her 47th incident at the Mall of Cyprus, authorities are considering installing “Karen-Proof Zones” to contain the emotional fallout.
-
Cyprus Government Unveils Bold New Plan to Tackle Nicosia Traffic: Teleportation Lanes, Goat Carpools, and Ministry of Walking Fast
In a bold attempt to solve Nicosia’s traffic crisis, the Cypriot government has unveiled an outrageous new plan involving teleportation lanes, goat-powered carpools, and a Ministry of Walking Fast. While experts call it “ambitious,” locals are just wondering why a purple lane now leads directly into a bakery.
-
Cypriot Government Unveils “Official Corruption License” — Now You Can Bribe Legally (With a Receipt!)
In a bold new initiative to modernize dishonesty, the Cypriot government has introduced the Official Corruption License™ — a laminated, gold-trimmed card that lets citizens bribe legally, provided they file the right paperwork and wink in the correct tone. Critics are outraged. Everyone else is already in line.
-
Orthodox Church Launches “Project Divine Comeback” to Win Back Churchgoers: Incense Cannons, Holy Water Splash Zones, and Confession Drive-Thrus
Faced with empty pews and a generation more devoted to frappé than faith, the Orthodox Church has launched “Project Divine Comeback” — an outrageous initiative featuring incense cannons, rotating altars, confession drive-thrus, and TikTok hymn challenges. Church has never been so loud, so fragrant, or so deeply confused.
-
Fidias Panayiotou Reportedly Replaced by a Gerbil for Two Weeks — Nation Only Realized After Rodent Tried to Enter European Parliament
In a baffling yet somehow believable twist, Fidias Panayiotou was secretly replaced by a gerbil in a blazer for two weeks — attending parliament sessions, voting on legislation, and even giving squeaky interviews. The nation only caught on when the rodent bolted with a crouton mid-session. Fidias later confirmed the switch, claiming, “Fidiaki served with…
-
EXCLUSIVE: Polis Real Estate Developer Denies Cost-of-Living Crisis, Claims “People Just Need to Eat Less at Full Moons”
In a delightfully unhinged interview, Polis real estate developer Savvas Frangos denies the existence of a cost-of-living crisis, claiming people simply “lack barter skills and citrus vision.” From fig-based inflation fixes to houses powered by gossip heat, Savvas offers alternative facts and even more alternative logic — all backed by goats, vibes, and something he…
-
Cyprus Government Announces Compensation for 2013 Haircut Victims — Payment to Be Made in Coupons, Goat Shares, and One Hug from the Minister
In a historic (and deeply strange) move, the Cypriot government announces compensation for 2013 haircut victims — offering Alphamega vouchers, partial goat ownership, and a laminated apology. Cash? No. But you will receive a Spotify playlist and a chance to scream online.
-
Wizz Air to Acquire Cyprus Airways in Shocking Deal Involving €1,000, a Drone, and 12,000 Litres of Hot Pink Paint
In a jaw-droppingly pink twist, Wizz Air announces its plan to buy out Cyprus Airways for €1,000 and a drone, promising holographic dolphins, glitter water, and planes so loud they can be heard from Troodos. The newly rebranded “WizzAphrodite™” vows to make flying cheaper, weirder, and way more sparkly.
-
BREAKING: Cyprus Reintroduces Golden Visas, Now Includes Complimentary Yacht, Village Mayorship, and a Lifetime Supply of Halloumi Air Fresheners
Cyprus reboots its infamous Golden Visa program with even fewer regulations and a lot more sparkle. Now, investors can earn citizenship, honorary village mayorships, and a lifetime supply of halloumi-scented air fresheners — all for the price of a luxury villa and a mildly shady offshore company.
-
Cypriot Football Federation Accidentally Declares Every Match a Derby, Chaos Ensues as Fans Storm Random Bakeries
Chaos erupts across Cyprus after the football federation mistakenly labels every single league match as a derby. Now, even mid-table clashes are treated like ancient blood feuds, mascots are brawling in parking lots, and one man has been banned from a bakery for wearing the wrong jersey.
-
Alphamega Announces Plans to Colonize Moon, Install Luxury Supermarket with 3 Aisles of Imported Cheeses and 1 Parking Spot
In a galactic leap for Cypriot retail, Alphamega announces its plan to open the first supermarket on the Moon, complete with a floating cheese aisle, oxygen-based loyalty points, and premium crater parking. Because if anyone can overprice halloumi in space — it’s Alphamega.
-
Cyprus to Regulate Hunting Culture with New “Shoot Responsibly” Campaign, Mandatory Courses on Yelling at Birds and Missing Entirely
In an ambitious effort to civilize the annual cacophony of shotgun blasts and lost dogs, the Cypriot government launches “Shoot Responsibly 2030™” — a campaign urging hunters to stop firing at bushes, apologize to trees, and maybe take a class or two before declaring war on the wilderness every Sunday.
-
Cyprus Unveils Bold New Plan to Solve Cyprob: Rock-Paper-Scissors Tournament, Mediated by a Goat
NICOSIA — In a stunning move that surprised the international community, confused the UN, and caused three ambassadors to choke on their filtered coffee, the Cypriot government has announced a radical new strategy to solve the Cyprus Problem (Cyprob) once…
-
Famagusta Kiosk Robbery Foiled After Robber Stops to Scratch Lottery Ticket Mid-Escape
FAMAGUSTA — What was meant to be a quick and “professional” kiosk robbery in Famagusta quickly spiraled into a chaotic comedy of errors after the masked perpetrator paused mid-getaway to scratch a €2 lottery ticket he had just stolen —…
-
Tala’s Holy Order of Cats Gains Political Power, Declares Monastery a Sovereign “Feline Republic”
In a bold and entirely whisker-driven move, the cats of Tala’s monastery have declared independence, forming the Meow-nastic Republic of Saint Whiskers. With nap laws, fish-based diplomacy, and a purring Parliament, the feline-led microstate is now the most peaceful — and fur-covered — government on the island.