Privacy Policy
Last updated: 31/03/2025
Welcome to Halloumi News — where the only thing we take seriously is your privacy (and maybe how you grill your cheese). This Privacy Policy explains how we collect, use, and protect your information while you’re here enjoying satire, sarcasm, and the occasional goat-based news piece.
1. Information We Collect
We don’t collect much — we’re too busy writing fake news — but here’s what might come through:
- Basic analytics data (via Google Analytics or similar): This includes your IP address, browser type, device info, and pages visited.
- Voluntarily submitted info: If you contact us, subscribe to a newsletter, or comment (if we ever let you), we’ll collect the info you give us, like name or email.
- Cookies: Yes, we use them. Not the tasty kind, sadly. These help us remember preferences and make sure you’re not a robot (or worse, a troll).
2. How We Use Your Info
We use the little info we have to:
- Improve the website and our content
- Respond to your messages or comments
- Occasionally send emails if you opted in (we promise no spam, only satire)
We do not sell your data to anyone — not even if they offer us a lifetime supply of halloumi (okay… maybe we’d consider it. But we won’t).
3. Third-Party Services
We may use trusted third-party tools like:
- Analytics tools (e.g., Google Analytics)
- Email services (e.g., Mailchimp, Substack)
- Embedded content (e.g., YouTube, Twitter) — those platforms may track you too, just so you know.
We’re not responsible for what these services do with your data, so you may want to read their privacy policies if you’re curious or paranoid.
4. Your Choices
- You can disable cookies in your browser (but the site might act weird).
- You can unsubscribe from our emails at any time — just click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of the email.
- You can contact us if you want your info deleted — we’ll handle it faster than a Cypriot grandma chasing you with a spoon.
5. Data Security
We do our best to protect your data using secure systems and practices. That said, nothing on the internet is 100% secure — not even your secret souvla recipe.
6. Children’s Privacy
We do not knowingly collect information from children under 13. If you’re a kid reading satire about traffic cameras and goats, please go play outside.
7. Updates to This Policy
We may update this policy from time to time. If we do, we’ll post the new version here and maybe yell about it on social media.
8. Contact Us
Have questions, concerns, or a conspiracy theory involving cloud-powered sunbeds?
You can reach us at:
📧 info@hallouminews.com